It's really confusing, I know...I apologize for that.

    I don't exactly have 'trust issues' in the way most people do.  I'm kind of naive, I trust way too easily.  Which has obviously bit me in the ass, several times.  So when I finally began trusting people I knew would never turn on me, guess what?  One of the two people I trusted the most, turned on me quicker than anyone else I 'trusted' before.  There are three people that know one thing in my life that I will never share with anyone else.  One of the three has gone through what I said I wish I could go through.  The other person told me she loves me after I told her.  And well, the third person, who was actually the first person I told, they cared for one night, and I'm sure would care even more now I've tried this 'thing' before. Well, I obviously trusted this third person way too much, and you would think I have learned my lesson right? Not exactly. I wish I could say one thing to them, I know it would end in a fight, or just me getting upset.  I guess I just wish things were how they were six weeks ago, things seemed almost perfect then, I had everyone I needed.  Now, I have everyone but that third person, and it's eating me up inside.  I need to move on, let the old fade away...

you were the best

     I miss you.  Every part of you.  Especially your laugh.  It's the little things I miss, I think.  Like, how we first met, or what we talked about the first time we sat on your front porch together.  It's those things that I wish I still had with you.  Or maybe the fact that we lived in each other's houses, because we shared a driveway, or that we would have full conversations at 1am, in person, while both of us were in our rooms.  I miss saying that I can still do that.  I miss seeing you walk through my huge wooden front door.  I miss it all.
     It sucks that you were here, for all 13 years of your life, and now, you're gone, for the other 87 years.  It's not fair.  I never said goodbye to you, I never got that chance.  I planned out the next time I would see you, when you got home from vacation.  You traveled every where that summer, I was jealous.  But I knew, no, I thought we would easily get together and you would tell me all about it.  I was looking forward to it.  I was looking forward to freshman orientation with you, all four years of high school together, I was looking forward to our friendship growing more than it already had.
     Unfortunately, reality set in, and most of this did not happen.  You will always be my best friend, no matter what, and I will always remember the greatest times we had together.  I even read your favorite book, it's now my favorite.  I miss you, a lot, and I know you can't come back, but if you could, just once, there is so much I would have to tell you.  Almost like when you go away for a week, and you come home and tell all of your friends everything that happened in that one week.  Well, it's the same thing, but I have three and a half years to cover with you...